How Motherhood Has Changed Me

I used to think that my life was all about myself. Then, Finley completely changed my perspective. Life is not about myself. It never even was before she came along, but I made it that way. My life is about showing people God’s love and taking care of the most precious little soul, my darling daughter Finley. She is my greatest accomplishment, the best decision I’ve ever made, and my greatest prayer answered in the craziest way. The story of how Finley got here is the craziest, and I may never share it here but I will share with you pieces of motherhood. The good, the bad, the not so fun parts and the crazy exciting, wild adventures. I love being a mom, I’ve always dreamed of it. I thank God every day for giving me my daughter because when he did, it saved me.
It saved me from going down such a dark and narrow road with no hope. It saved me from having no self respect and caring about what guys thought of me way too much. It saved me from feeling broken and hopeless. It redirected my path towards God instead of away from him.
If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, I honestly don’t know where I would be right now. Yeah, my life isn’t exactly how I had planned this part of it happening, but I would never change it for the world. God has showed my so much through my journey into motherhood so far. And I always remember that if my story hadn’t happened how it did, I never would have my daughter Finley.
At first, when I found out I was pregnant, I was so scared. Scared of the unknown, of being 20 and pregnant, alone in NYC. Scared of telling my parents, my friends and what they would think of me. No, I wasn’t just scared, I was terrified. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I had a plan, and that plan was not what was happening to me.
But God gave me courage. He gave me the courage to look at all my options, to tell my family and friends, to tell her father, and to move back home to PA.
I’m so thankful for His courage and that it has led me here. That I chose to keep my daughter and to take on the responsibility of motherhood. To birth a child and raise her to be a strong, confident, independent person who knows her worth and value and that none of it depends on what other people think of her. Finley means “Fair Warrior” and that’s exactly who she is. She is a warrior in the battle of life and she is so strong. She’s sassy, strong willed, sweet, and beautiful. I know it’s probably biased but I have never laid eyes on a child as beautiful as her. When she was first born I couldn’t believe she was real. That I grew her and she was formed inside of me. Every day she makes me proud. I love to watch her discover new things. Her brain is so amazing. She is SO smart! She can count to ten in Spanish and English. Sometime she can even count to fifteen. She has this presence that is indescribable. Whenever I look at her I see this light that just surrounds her. She lights up any room and brings hope and peace to any situation.
Being a mom is incredible. It’s better than I’ve ever dreamed it to be. But it’s also hard. My patience is always tested, I’m tired, and sometimes I feel lonely. However, it’s easier than it was at first. When Finn was a newborn, I was exhausted, emotional, and felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Over the past two years though. I’ve gotten a little more sleep and slowly figured out this Mom thing. I’ve learned how to balance a billion things at once (or at least I have today haha) and I’ve been able to get out of the house at least once a week and talk to adults other than myself. Her and I have both grow- me as a mother and her as a person. She teaches me so much, I don’t just teach her. I’m in awe everyday that I have been so blessed to have a daughter like her. I’ve never been more thankful. I know our future is going to be so bright because God has nothing but the best in store for us. This crazy thing called Motherhood is my greatest journey yet.